Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
