this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
