Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
