Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
