i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
