dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
