ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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