i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
