My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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