Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is pants optional.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
