Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
