I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
