The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
