Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
