I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
