I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
