this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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