you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
