I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
