i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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