Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
