I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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