I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
