I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
babies were throwing up all over the place
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
