Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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