can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
