I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
