but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
