someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
