I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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