my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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