I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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