If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
