it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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