Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
