I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
