i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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