So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
