i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Randomize
