Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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