Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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