His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
