Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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