I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
