just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone says I win the strip club
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
