I will die if light touches me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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