My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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