Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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