i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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