Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
