You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
