I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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