apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
