So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
