i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
