How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
