No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
