...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
