My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
