I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
